Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

[Aussie67]

The missus phoned me the other day and the conversation went thus:

Her: “You know that Spartacus Gladiator box set that I got you?”
Me: “What about it?”
Her: “Put Volume 2 in the DVD player. Forward it exactly one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.”
Me: “Right, I’ve done that”...
Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front, fighting the lion!”
Me: “I can s...ee that, yeah.”
Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!”
Me: “Okay, I see them.”
Her: “Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator guarding the gate holding a spear.”
Me: “Yes! I can see him!”
Her: “Can you see his feet?”
Me: “Yes, I can!”
Her: “Right! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday!”​

 

[Aussie67]

What do you call the space between 2 fake boobs?




Silicone Valley

 

[Mach1 Driver]

A plane is flying to Toronto when a blonde in economy moves up and sits in first class.
The flight attendant checks her ticket and says,
"Ma'am, you paid for economy, please return to your seat."

The blonde replies,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant tells the pilot and co-pilot about the situation.
The co-pilot tries to explain, but the blonde repeats,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here!"

The pilot says,
"She's blonde? I’ve got this - I speak Blonde. I'm married to one."
He walks over, whispers something in her ear, and she says,
"Oh, I’m sorry!" and returns to her seat in economy.

Everyone is stunned. "What did you say to her?" they ask.
He replies,
"I told her first class isn’t going to Toronto."

 

[Aussie67]

I think my wife's starting to get dementia. She just said she doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.​