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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

n my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm.
 
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-oid. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
"What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome, she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't. We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mum…you still awake?'​
 
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well… last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.”​
 
The Lower O'Connell Street, Dublin Branch of the Bank of Ireland had been robbed three times in the last thirty days.

Trying to prevent a fourth robbery, Gardaí Detective Murphy was interviewing bank teller Paddy O’Donnell and asked, “Have you noticed anything in particular about the robber?”

“Right,” Paddy replied, "Well I have noticed that each time the man comes into the bank, he’s much better dressed.”
 
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