Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

[Aussie67]

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas, when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."​

 

[Aussie67]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied:

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'"

 

[Aussie67]

Ran out of fuel this morning so I rung roadside assist. They told me to ring my insurance company..

They've written my car off.

 

[funkaholik]

Somebody born in '33 was 45 in '78.

That's got to be some sort of record!

 

[Aussie67]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?"

Dad says, "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

 

[funkaholik]

 

[Aussie67]

During lunch at the office, I made the mistake of eating three big bowls of chili from the cafeteria, even though I knew better.

By the time I got home that evening, my stomach was already rumbling.

My husband greeted me at the door grinning and said, “Honey, I’ve got a surprise dinner for you tonight.”

Then he blindfolded me and carefully led me to a chair at the dining table.

Just as he was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang in the other room.

He told me not to peek and hurried off to answer it.

Well, that chili was starting to fight back, and the pressure was building fast.​

So while he was gone, I leaned to one side and quietly let one slip out.

It wasn’t quiet for long though, and the smell was like a garbage truck hitting a skunk behind a fertilizer plant.

I grabbed my napkin and started fanning the air like my life depended on it.

Then I leaned to the other side and let three more rip in quick succession.

The odor was powerful enough to wilt houseplants.

I kept one ear on my husband talking on the phone while quietly launching a few more “air biscuits.”
Honestly, the relief was unbelievable.

Soon I heard him wrapping up the call, so I gave the air one last frantic fanning with my napkin.

Then I folded my hands neatly in my lap and sat there looking as innocent as a Sunday school teacher.

My husband came back in and apologized for taking so long on the phone.

He asked, “You didn’t peek under that blindfold, did you?”

I promised him I hadn’t moved a muscle the whole time.Satisfied, he lifted the blindfold off my eyes.

That’s when I saw twelve of our friends sitting around the table holding their noses. And all together they shouted, “Happy Birthday!”​